Speak

I have a secret in my head
I have a secret in my heart
I have a saviour up in heaven
from whom all goodness starts
but quiet is my voice and loud are my thoughts


I have hopes and dreams for all who are near
To see them at the altar under your care
To hear from their lips that you reign
To watch as you work and take all their pain
but quiet is my voice and loud are my thoughts


I have days alone tired and distraught
Thinking 'Isn't Jesus with me? atleast that's what I was taught'.
I think more of him in an attempt to get better
like he responds to thoughts as our personal debtor
You see quiet is my voice and loud are my thoughts


I sit silent trying to engage in him
meditating with vigor in an attempt to escape my sin
Circumstances remain constant its as if my silent pleas are unoticed
Can't he see my struggles? Surely he know this
that silent is my voice and loud are my thoughts...

Ps 120:1 - I SPEAK to the Lord in my distress and he answers me.

Speak. Scream and Shout.
Open your mouth let words come out.
With more than a thought exalt his name.
With more than your head declare is fame.
Loud your thoughts should be but louder still your voice.
Speak 

Dream with the innocence of a child,

Pray with the fervor of a disciple

Speak with the authority of a king

hope held high

hope held high to the future true
whilst present emotions pass in blue
"till death do us part" is what I'd like to hear
but 'but this' and 'this that' is all you mumble dear
choked up with hurt translates to indifference
all avoided if not for amatory belligerence...
where is my garment of praise

hope held high to the future ahead
whilst present emotions pass in red
walking as if emotionaly drained
against the veneer of one who feels no pain
passion pushing past problematic places
see its not hard to cover up with one of my many jovial faces...
where is my garement of peace

hope held high to the future clean
whilst present emotions pass in green
stomach turning head churning 
chest throbbing heart sobbing
body bagging feeling dragging
outcome...
where is my garment of victory

"...For I know the plans I have for you,"

declares the Lord,
"Plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you hope and a future..."   

hope held high to the days of now
where present emotions echo an epiphanous 'Wow'
No longer will my lip drop or heart stop
nor will my hands rest untill my final test
for these days of now are my years prime
so get ready as I step into my appointed time.

You silly sucker 

Flying

a hampered ascent

with a headwind's blow

whilst beleagured by

squalls rash streaks

and ice cold snow.

caught in your draft

im lead to more

to greater heights

to where?

... unsure.

at last arrived to which we drop

gliding on endless air

our landing flawless

our lives are lawless

we're birds without a care.

i had a lucid dream lastnight that i was flying.
so i wrote a poem about it (above).
i've always wanted to fly...

to not only ride but be the wind.
to fly to the centre of a hurricane.
to STIR-UP maelstroms and fight against the ocean.
to twirl with a tornado or twist with a twister
to sleep amongst the stars
to hug clouds
to crashland and take off
to do a loop-dee-loop
to dress up as an alien and make people think theyre real
i wish i was a bird

someday soon i hope

Waiting

I feel pressured sometimes because everyone is getting into a relationship but me.

 I'm left searching for someone who isn't righteous... but kinda right-ish.

I'm called to glory, but would settle for someone whore-y. 

I'm called to greatness but am often in pursuit of those who are faithless...

Deadends and doorknobs.

Late nights are a lost cause.

Phone calls and rendezvous.

All these things have made me realise how much I've de-valued you.

You who I haven't even met yet. Yet will love me regardless.

Me who you will always admire. While I at this moment succumb to selfish desires.

You who's love for christ will never be made second.

While my faith at times has to be beckoned.

Enough of that though.

Now I'm waiting.

For the first day we meet.

For the first time I peck your cheek.

For the sweet nothings I whispher in your ear.

For the time I teach you how to cut my hair, (3 on top. 1 on the sides. Fade)

For hugs laughs and tears.

For the good the bad and elderly years.

For moments unforgetable

and moments we'd both rather forget.

For the rainy days we spend in bed

For the flowers you wake upto next to your head.

For our travels abroad to timbuktu

and stories of a cheesy poem about me waiting for you...

A plus Ma Cherie. Reste bien et brosser tes dents.

Love Jess

                                                                                                                                                                                   

Say What?

            alléluia                 аллилуйя                  הללויה                   aleluia                         halleluja

                          لله هللويا                       hall                   哈利路亚                   halleluya    
       
            hariruia               Алелуя                alleluja                   alelujah                 halle    
         
                          alleluia                 हलिलुय                    할렐루야                 αλληλούια  
                  
                                           aleluya                                           ハレルヤ  

      
                

     

Hallelujah

"There are many worlds,

but they share the same sky.

One sky. one destiny"

-Kingdom Hearts

Its funny how we can all be saying different words, but meaning the same thing...

PRAISE GOD

Goal Setting: #citysaved

I have this faith goal and its a bit audacious.

I have this faith goal and it leans to the unlikely to happen.

I have this faith goal that I've told a few people and they've said, "That's just camp hype talking. See how you feel when it has all worn off" or, "That's unrealistic".



You know what I say to that?

DAMN STRAIGHT IT IS! DAMN STRAIGHT I AM! AND I SERVE A GOD THAT RESPONDS TO FAITH AND NOT MY ABILITIES!!

My Goal: To see 150 city boys signed up and registered for conference 2012.

God has his hand on this. Even this weekend just gone we saw at least 30 WC boys and 12 New Lands cats at Elevate. Ps John has been talking heaps to us about the church needing to get ready. It's a scary thought to think that if this is the Church getting ready imagine what's its gonna be like when it finally is. Appointed time.

WC: 1. Andrew Seuala
2. Ratha Sar
3. Matt Knott
4. Keanu Robertson James
5. Seru Tuivoavoa
6. Timbi Maladina
7. Donell Anae-Vole
8. Evander Uluilelata
9. Pablo Teaurima
10. Francois Teaurima
11. Holototo
12. Lucian Lau Young
13. Bronson Aiono
14. Kamau Wilson
15. Jack Hocking
16. Henry Arihee
17. Christian?
18. Keegan Strauss
19. Adam Strauss
20. Elijah Williams Stewart
21. Daniel Buchanan
22. Alan Yee (Alex Wongs buddy)
23. Cameron Chalmers
24. Wesley Goosen
25. Olly Boyd
26. Liam - Lucian's Friend
27. Carlos
28. Tamati Hauraki-Tyrell
29. Pakai Turia
30. Mataiawhea Te Kere
31. Impala Usoalii
32. Elijah Manuel
33. Seb Webster
34. Mafoa Vakaloloma
35. Jesoni Taoi
36. Rory Igglesden
37. Nelson Solomona
38. Shae Simmonds
39. Tao Roi Lupo
40. Seka Lupo

Onslow: 1. Alex Wong
2. Jimmy Ingpen -
3. Liam Green! Phodiso's friend! keen to get him back.

Newlands:
1. Nathan Devery
2. Ryan Wessels
3. Richard Guttenbeil
4. Philip Cunningham
5. William Wilson
6. Austin Vivili
7. Johnathan Chin
8. Petelo Kelekolio
9. Austin D'souza
10. David Su
11. Vincent Yan
12. Sohaimy Lee
13. Timothy Ezio Liew
14. Joshua Jaggard
15. Julius Rey Tilles
16. Hayden Flaws
17. Jamie Cowan
18. Rohan Rawlings
19. Jack Long
20. Andrew Duckworth
21. Ihaka Cunningham
22. Lionel Rawlings
23. Joseph Bowden
24. Tremaine Ranchord
25. Zac Cassidy

St Pats: 1. Keanu O'Reily
2. Braedyn Togi
3. Minerad
4. Russell Kun
5. Teariki Goodwin Nonu (Sefo)
6. Lee Heang
7. Daini Tuiquere
8. Frederic Strickland
9. Domma Tee
10. Siasosi Lavea
11. Sedo Leti

Rongotai: 1. Thomas Hornblow
2. Costa Leu'u
3. Pena Fagaloa
4. Hassan Dia
5. Sam Dia
6. Brodi Kappely
7. Jamaine Meaaroa
8. Cameron Hunia
9. Johnny Mataki
10. Joe Mataki
11. Pio Mataki
12. Harlem Kappely
13. Reilly Parker
14. Clementino Bentley
15. Jackson Rapana
16. Antonio Bentley
17. TeRu Huriwai

Scots: 1. William Rowbotham
2. Simon Rowbotham
3. Duncan McKee


Leaders: 1. Sione Latu
2. Benjamin Tuiomanufili
3. Josiah Watson
4. Joshua Faisandier
5. Dayn Mezaros
6. Logan Smith
7. Shawn Koh
8. James Capovilla
9. Dan Martin
10. Joshua Ell
11. Jess Tuiomanufili
12. Me

Chosen is an understatement. #appointed 

Jesse

  

is a mamas boy

picks his nose (doesn't eat it)

loves God

introvert

drives with no music on

talks to himself a lot

loves dave

t-bone steak

only truly known by his brother

SH35

france smells

has friends

kauaetangohia

has mates

has brothers

has buh-rothers

and is still an introvert

elevate
french speaking

airstrip rd

phlegmatic

protective 

chronic procrastinator

brownies
rugby

goes crazy over the little things

takes big things for granted

blessed

drop nuts
maori

uka

stralian

uke

final fantasy

loner (in a positive way)

bush walks/runs

sticky date pudding
jesus
samoa

kingdom hearts

melancholy

yogurt

spear gun diving

kina

fried bread

banoffee pie

howls at the moon (when its full)

Bull Crap

I was on a JHR adventure this morning. It was going really well I'd only stopped once (before the 3rd gate). I was coming over a rise nearing the 4th gate onto the reserve when I got the fright of my life.

I was caught facing...

Not one



Not two

but a whole freaking HERD of BULLS. All staring at me!

So I prayed to the good lord for protection. Threw rocks at a few of them and ran through the herd really fast yelling and waving my arms in the air like a mad man. I made it through fine. They all ran away probs talking to eachother like 'WTF is that guy upto'. Funtimes. I hung around on the fence line for a bit to see if they were as aggressive as I'd thought they'd be, but they were all little pussys. It was fun hanging out with them. Me and my mates. The bulls on the track... mmmm.

#JHRadventures

Oh yeah... and I stepped in some bull crap.



Ma lettre traduit de Dieu

Jesse,  ne permets rien de bloquer mon amour pour toi. Ne permets rien de bloquer mon salut, et les plans que j’ai pour ta vie.  Ne permets pas que tes péchés tourmentent ta vie encore. Reste sur moi quand tu es faible. Tu n’es pas encore un esclave du monde. Tu vis dans le monde mais tu n’es pas à partie du monde mon fils.  Si tu cherches à faire briller ta lumière, tu feras des bonnes choses, mais si tu cherches à faire briller ma lumière, tu feras des choses incroyables pour mon nom. Telles sont les vérités. Je t’aime avec  tout mon cœur. Choisis la vie.

Testament of Forgiveness

Summer Camp was amazizing. My life was changed forever.



Every year I go summer camp in the back of my mind is the death of my older brother Joshua James Tuiomanufili. He committed suicide on the 22 January 2007. When I heard the news I was at a Summer Camp not to dissimilar from the one I just attended. So every Camp I go to I have this weight on my head and my heart. And every year it holds me back from encountering god.



His death was a traumatic experience for everyone in my family, especially me. As a young teen I began doubting the goodness of God, and this seed only grew with time. When anything traumatic happens finding an answer is always top priority. Hurt regret bitterness and anguish is what followed. I tucked these away deep in my heart, and let them rot grow and basically become a part of my faith or my version of Christianity.



For my older brother’s death I blamed myself, and his step father. This unforgiveness stayed with me for the two years that followed until Elevate’s first winter camp in 2009 at Forest lakes. It was at this camp site that I received the news of my brother’s passing, so naturally I had no desire to go. I ended up going from peer pressure from leaders. There my life was changed but not fully as I’d later discover. My first camp encounter shook me free from the unforgiveness that I felt towards myself and Dave (Josh’s step father), but there were other people that I still held unforgiveness towards that I didn’t even know about.



Skip a head to 2012 summer camp. We’re in the last session and Ps Benny Prescott is making me cry with the story of his best mate that died tragically in a footy accident. As the story went on I couldn’t help but think of his story and the parallels with that of my Brother’s. We both had someone suddenly ripped away from us at a young age. It was at the deaths of both our loved ones that our stories became different. When Josh died I was blaming and cursing and making excuses. When Ps Ben’s friend passed away his first prayer was, “Lord you are a ‘GOOD’ God.”



When he said this it stayed in my head for a long time. Something in me began to shift. Deep roots in my mind and spirit were being pulled out. I came to the realisation that I had been harbouring unforgiveness towards our Father in heaven. I had beef with God. For a long time I battled with the idea ‘Is God really good?’ and for the first time in a long time I was finally able to say, “Yes, yes He is.”



Ministry kicks in. I get slain once, then I get up then I get slain again and fall on some chick. I’m walking around praying for people, but something isn’t right in my spirit. There’s still someone that I hadn’t forgiven. I lift my hands to worship then Levi walks up to me and says, “I’m him if you had anything you wanted to say to me what would you say?” On hearing this I broke down... I hadn’t forgiven my brother. “How could you do this to us? Do you know what you put me through? Do you know what you put Dad and Jules through? I’m sorry for not coming over. I’m sorry for not calling more and keeping in contact. I love you bro. I forgive you.” At that moment so much hurt and pain was lifted off my life, replaced with love and peace that only a right relationship with God can bring. I’m set free liberated and ready to step into my appointed time.


Time heals all wounds, but God heals them faster. There's nothing better than an environment where God is given the oppurtunity to move. Camp is one of those places where he is. Dont miss camp every again. Otherwise you're a bloody idiot.

Goal Setting: Hills to Mountains

This is the view I've had the privilege of enjoying at the end of my runs. Its the peak of  Johnston Hill Reserve (JHR). It's nice but I can't help notice taller hills and mountains off in the distance.

Off to the right of this picture which you can't see is Mt Kaukau. It is apporximately 6.5km North of JHR staright line. So that means it is roughly a 12km from JHR peak to Mt Kk summit.

My goal: Run from JHR to Mt Kk non-stop before the end of this year.

 

16/02/12 - Ran into a herd of bulls. Crazy.

27/02/12 - Did my first sunrise. It was so beautiful.

God speed Jesse. You can do this.

Call me Turdy

 TURDy is my nickname. A lot of you wouldn't know that coz I didn't hangout with a lot of you in my college years.

I earned this name in 3rd form being the only TURD former in the U15 rugby team. It caught on fast. I soon lost my christian name Jesse and adopted my new title as Turdy amongst my Dub Cee brethren.

TURDalicious,

TURDymanufili,
TURDs,
Hitman-TURDy,
TURDtime
SCHMALLLLL HEAD!!
These were all common names I wore proudly throughtout my college years. Even actual TURDs would address me as TURDy.

If ya catch this post call me TURDs the next time you see me. It'll make my day :)

TURDy out.

Mt Vaea memories

Under the wide and starry sky

Dig my grave and let me lie





Glad that i lived...

 and gladly die

and laid me down with a will

This be the verse you grave for me

he who lies where he longs to be

Home of the sailor home from the sea...

and the hunter home from the hill

-Robert.L.Stevenson

I first read this poem in 2004 at the summit of Mt Vaea in Samoa. My uncle had mentioned it to me before our holiday and thought it would be cool if i memorised it like he did when he first climbed the mountain.

The day I went up me and my older brother had raced my family up the mountain by taking a different route. We won (of course) and had to wait 40min for them to catch up.

At the peak there is the grave of, Robert Louis Stevenson, a great poet and the man who fought for the independence and freedom of Samoa. On his grave was inscribed the poem above. 

This is my most cherished memory of Josh. Sitting atop Mt Vaea with my big bro sleeping on the grave of the man that earnt my people their independence. Watching the Manu Samoa rugby team run up and then back down. Mutilating lizards and him teaching me how to score girls (haven't quite got the hang of it yet).

This poem will forever be written on the walls of my heart and i know someday my kids will have the privilege of learning it too.

Sorely missed. Forever loved.

RIP Sua